you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
