Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
