Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
