I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
