there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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