The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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