HIV tests are more positive than that guy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had sex on a roof
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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