how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
