worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
