i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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