Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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