also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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