I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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