is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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