i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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