i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
