We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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