The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
