My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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