I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
