I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
