After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
