i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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