so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
