I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's always time for handjobs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
