considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
