We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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