his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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