Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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