Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am available for nakedness
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
