Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
