I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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