I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
