Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
