I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
