she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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