marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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