i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
