I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
