yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who died my cat blue again?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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