her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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