smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize