i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
