update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
