If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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