Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
