I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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