i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
