I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
