Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
