we're blogging at a bar
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
