You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
